Face down

When I came to Christ, it was literally face down. I could honestly say I had nothing to offer. No christian background to boast in, and a pretty damaged past to say the least.

I guess I always had this idea that once you became a Christian, you got to stop being face down. Life would get easier. Sin wouldn't be as tempting, struggles as suffocating, life issues as pressing. I thought all the hard stuff disappeared and you got to struggle with the easy stuff like cussing, and being nice to people. But it hasn't been like that. And some parts have been really hard. And so when I mess up or find myself struggling with something I feel like a failure.

And then I read this...and it was like she stole the words straight from my head:

"Ugh. I felt that way. I knew deep down I was screwed up. I also knew nobody really knew it, and I liked it that way. I did not want to be face down in the sand like all the sinners Jesus healed. I wanted to stay bright and shinny and good, and comfortably on my feet. Yet, when I read the words of Christ, I felt this call. A call to fall on my face." ( Anything by Jennie Allen, p.27)

Jesus ignored the typical every day Christian because they thought they could stand on their own. He spent his time with the sinners, tax collectors, and prostitutes. People whose need for salvation was obvious.

"Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but the sinners." (Mark 2:17)

He doesn't want all the self righteous crap. He doesn't want people who think they have have it together. He wants the sinners who are face down in the sand. And it's those people with their face in the sand that get to look up and see the kingdom. So why don't we live like that?

"[Because] it physically hurts to see our pride, to see our sin, to quit playing good, to feel broken and to need God. And it hurts even more to let others see it. So we run from falling; we choose large fig leaves to cover up with instead of God."(Anything, p.17)

It all stems from this messed up feeling, deep inside, that we rarely acknowledge but we know it's true...

We want not to need God.

And that's crazy! It's the opposite of what the gospel is about. But that's seriously how we live! And it is so ironic because our salvation starts off with the opposite thought. "Jesus I can't do this I need you" But then our life after says "Don't worry God, got this under control, see you on the other side." And we run around trying to play good, trying to keep it all together, and wondering why it's not working.

Do we really think God saved us...to put us to the side? Like "Alright, cool, you're saved, you're my child. You're also on your own. Don't mess up. Or I'm giving you up for adoption." If we could save ourselves, and be good by ourselves, he wouldn't have needed to save us in the beginning.

We want not to need God.

What's the point of running the race if you don't get the prize. More God. God period is the gift, the reward, the point. The point of Christianity is that we get this real God who saves us and then claims us, and adopts us, because he WANTS to be apart of our lives. He knows he's what we need, because he created us with that need.

You want to start living differently? You want to stop being overwhelmed with how much you suck (Because honestly that's how I feel most days). Start by realizing you have nothing to do with it. That once you stop trying, and start just laying face down in the sand, that's when God can finally enter in.

That's what I've been praying for the last few weeks. That I wouldn't live like I don't need God. That my life would be a testimony to how much I still do.