This father's day has been really hard for me.
I can't even explain why really. It started off fine. Arrived to work roughly on time, got a chocolate creme brulee coffee from the book store and didn't spill a single drop on my white pants (for me this is reason for jubilee alone). It didn't even occur to me it was father's day.
But every father's day, there is that moment at church, when the preacher calls all the fathers to stand and I am overcome with emotion. Tears stream down my face as my heart cherishes the site of all the proud fathers standing in honor surrounded by the ones they love.
On my way home my mind starting playing through everything my real dad was and wasn't. I thought about all the ways I had been let down, wounded, and abandoned.
But suddenly I felt like God stopped my replaying of wrongs and asked "what have I been to you?".
And I just started crying.
The Lord has been overwhelmingly good to me. And for the first time I understood why people called him father.
A father provides and the Lord has provided for me in ridiculous ways. He has provided for me financially over and over again. First with two cars, funding for my mission trip to Honduras, and now money for college.
A father loves unconditionally, which is extraordinary for me because I am a complete mess. I have messed up in countless ways since he has called me to be his, and he never stops showing me grace in ways only I can understand.
A father heals. I have suffered many wounds both emotionally and physically. And the Lord miraculously healed all of the physical, and is helping me sort through the rest.
A father is always present. I can honestly look back at my life and see God's hand through it all. Never leaving me once, not through the good, the bad, or the just plain ugly.
My life has always been hard, and part of me inside screams like a child "it's not fair". But every situation has allowed me to see the Lord in unique ways that only I get to see. He has been a father to me and this is the first father's day I get to really honor him for that. And my heart can't express its gratitude.
So yes today has been hard mourning what I feel like I should have had. But also sweet realizing that what I have is still good. And that the Lord can and will redeem all things, even the ones that still hurt.
But suddenly I felt like God stopped my replaying of wrongs and asked "what have I been to you?".
And I just started crying.
The Lord has been overwhelmingly good to me. And for the first time I understood why people called him father.
A father provides and the Lord has provided for me in ridiculous ways. He has provided for me financially over and over again. First with two cars, funding for my mission trip to Honduras, and now money for college.
A father loves unconditionally, which is extraordinary for me because I am a complete mess. I have messed up in countless ways since he has called me to be his, and he never stops showing me grace in ways only I can understand.
A father heals. I have suffered many wounds both emotionally and physically. And the Lord miraculously healed all of the physical, and is helping me sort through the rest.
A father is always present. I can honestly look back at my life and see God's hand through it all. Never leaving me once, not through the good, the bad, or the just plain ugly.
My life has always been hard, and part of me inside screams like a child "it's not fair". But every situation has allowed me to see the Lord in unique ways that only I get to see. He has been a father to me and this is the first father's day I get to really honor him for that. And my heart can't express its gratitude.
So yes today has been hard mourning what I feel like I should have had. But also sweet realizing that what I have is still good. And that the Lord can and will redeem all things, even the ones that still hurt.
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