Mission: Community

So I made the decision that I am going to seek out a community.

I know that probably sounds strange.

When I first came to Christ I was a junior. I was beyond bless to stumble into an amazing group of christian girls who immediately covered me with love and encouragement. Before I knew it I was taken in by a just as amazing youth group with leaders who continued to love me and help me grow.

Then my friends went to college and shortly after people began leaving the church. Suddenly I was alone.

Don't get me wrong, I have a loving family, and amazing boyfriend. But...there is no comfort like being with your best friends and there is no family like your church family.

I guess in a sense I felt really abandon. I was going through a lot, and I felt left behind, forgotten.

I tried to go to different churches, but no matter what church it was it just didn't feel like home. Home was worshiping along my best friends. Home was knowing everyone. Home was learning from people I trusted and knew. Home was knowing my place in ministry. Home was a place of comfort.

I was a stranger. And I tried to get connected, I really did. I guess my expectations were too high. So I gave up.

I adapted and started learning to do life alone. Not completely, but for the most part. There was a specific family from the church who really stuck by me and I loved them dearly for it.

Then this summer I was thrown into a house with 14 other people I didn't know. This was the community I had longed for, and for the first couple of weeks I had no idea how to be apart of it. I had taught myself to rely on myself, keep things to myself, deal with things myself. But I quickly realized there wasn't much time to be by myself in a house of 14 people with 4 bedrooms, 1 living room, and 2 bathrooms.

When the internship ended I felt the pang of loneliness all over again. It was aided by the fact that my friends were still in town for the summer. Then as I hugged the last one goodbye as she parted for school, I saw last year flash before my eyes. The overwhelming sense of pending loneliness was too much. I didn't want to go back to it.

So I made up my mind: I wont.

I've committed myself to the quest of community. So far that has landed me in many uncomfortable situations, and awkward Sunday school classes. But God has shown me this need and I will persevere through the outright awkward.