This is for me

This blog is really for me. Sometimes, I think you need to remind yourself who you are, what you love, and what you desire.

First and foremost, I am a mess. There are parts of myself I hate. I can be impatient, jealous, judgmental and unforgiving. I find myself lashing out, or retreating inside myself, both I'm sure are unhealthy. My words can be sarcastic and caustic. And I can be stubborn, oh so very stubborn.

I like to talk, but I also like to listen. I love people. My deepest desire is to help, love, and comfort. I've been broken so many times and in so many ways that I want desperately to heal the wounds of the downcast and build them up with love.

"Blessed be the God...of all comfort, who comforts us in all our afflictions, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction" 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I like to write. I want my words to be of beauty, kindness, grace. A tool that builds people up, comforts the depths of their souls, lifts their hearts into joy. I want my words to be a light. I want them to be glorifying.

I like to learn, whether it be about history, or cultures.

I like to read, the dramatic, the honest, the challenging.

I want to love the poor and my neighbor. I want to fully rejoice with people in their successes and fully mourn with them in their defeats. I want to be okay with less, have no desire for more. I want my thoughts to be pure.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Philippians 4:8

I want to be a person of peace. I want to breathe life into people. I want people to see God in every facet of my life. I want my life to be beautiful, broken, and wholly offered to God.

I am an imperfect person, with a perfect savior. I am careless with a life God carefully wove together in my mother's womb. I am selfish even after Jesus was selfless. He loved those who cursed him, and I get annoyed with the people who love me.

But I am His, and He is mine. I am my father's daughter, adopted by grace, anointed with mercy. He leads me, and I follow. Sometimes I still cling to the things he's called me to leave behind. But he never forsakes me. He is always with me. I am never out of his reach. There is nothing I can do that could ruin the perfect plan he has for me.

This is who I am, the good and the bad. This is what I want: to love God and to love others.

I'm not sure how it will all play out.