An Undivided Heart

"Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth, give me an undivided heart" 

Psalms 86:11

Lately the idea of an undivided heart keeps popping up in my mind, and in the scriptures. What does it look like to have an undivided heart? Or maybe the question, in the spirit of Lent, should be what does it mean we must sacrifice? 

I wrote this in my journal March 8:
The Lord is forever mine
And I Lord, am forever thine.

Keep my in thy sacred hands

So I'll forever know the security of thy love.
Why art thou so faithful

To one who is often faithless.
Let my soul be completely and utterly consumed by your love,
Let it over power me, and overflow,

So that I can sacrifice my undivided heart on your alter
And pour back your love like alabaster 

To bless your holy feet. 

It literally frightens me when I think of how quickly my heart is willing to worship other things. Whether it be people, relationships, money, or popularity. I have a naturally obsessive mindset. I obsess over problems, boys, my body... I even obsess over how obsessive I can be. I think my friend Hillary explained the word "worship" the best..."You know your worshiping when it consumes your thoughts". It'd be easier if God would just will himself into my thoughts, but then it wouldn't be real love, would it? And ultimately thats what it means to give God your undivided heart. Giving him your undivided love.

Don't get me wrong. I love God. But as of right now he definitely does not have my undivided heart, or else I wouldn't get so distracted with other things. I'm learning that in order to love God more, you have to get to know him. If you meet a stranger, and people tell you hes awesome, sure you'll say positive things about him, but it by no means you love him. It by no means you even have a real relationship with him. If I want to love God more, I have to get to know him.

So I've started waking up 30 minutes early every day and just reading. I have two little devotionals I start off with, then I start doing this more in-depth devotional called "Lord, Teach Us How to Pray". Then if I have time I read the bible. Which my new year goal (one and only I might add) is to read the bible all the way through. Doing this seriously helps me through the day. I can't explain it, but there is nothing better than waking up with God.

So as of right now, I refuse to date anyone. This is something I don't typically have a problem with, but of course since I've made this decision, people keep wanting to ask me on dates. I'm tired of putting other things above God. I want him to be the only thing I think about. The factor I make all my decisions based off of. The person I solely rely on. The comfort I seek. The stronghold I take refuge in. I want him to consume my heart. I want to be a woman (lol I still feel like a girl, but i guess 17 is kind of a transition into womanhood) that just radiates Christ's love. I want the quote from captivating ‎"A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her." to be true of me. 

In Passion and Purity, Elizabeth Elliot talked about how, emotions are so fleeting and can be soo temporary  and deceiving that when she doesn't know to feel she reads God's word, because its always true, constant, and reliable. "As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless" 2 Samuel 22:31.

So here are some verses I've been writing down in my journal:

"My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart" 

Psalms 73:26

"The true children of God are those who let God's spirit lead them"

Romans 8:14

"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you" 

Matthew 6:33

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart"

 Psalms 37: 4

"Present your bodies [hmm or heart?] a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not conform to this world [or let yourself get distracted by it], but be transformed by the renewing of your mind [and heart?] So that you may prove what the will of God is, that which good and acceptable and perfect." 

Romans 12:1-2