Alone

"I lie awake; I have become like a bird alone on a roof." -Psalm 102:7 

This past year has been a really lonely time for me. I come from a family of six, have a wonderful boyfriend, work two jobs, so in reality I am really never alone. 

But then my best friends left for college, as I stayed at home. My church family seemed to slip away in different directions as I stood still, unable to decide where to go. I felt like my spiritual support beams were ripped out from under me. And suddenly I was alone. I felt like I was drowning in the world surrounding me. 

I have always been a people person. I love people.So much of who I am is based on the people I surround myself with.  I pour out and absorb. I'm never afraid to be real, exposing my heart, my fears, or my joys. 

Yet here I am, surrounded by 14 other people, and I find myself feeling so very alone. But this time I refuse to let my emotions, doubts or fears, even my enemy, overwhelm me.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." -1 Peter 5:7

This time, I am casting everything at Christ's feet. I will not be alone, but turn to Him, who in reality, has always been there. 

A lot of people here are very quiet, so sometimes it feels like I am the only one talking. Now I find myself holding back. Which is really hard for me since I am the kind of person that likes to talk issues out. But instead of resenting the silence I'm trying to use it as time to turn to God, and talk it out with him. 

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."- Psalm 46:10

"Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue" - Proverbs 17:28

Maybe I rely on other people too much, undermining my God's ability to speak wisdom, comfort and love into my own heart.