It's always a testing of faith.

When it rains, a hurricane isn't too far behind.

These are the series of terrible events, in order of which they decided to plague my life, from this past week:
1. Car Accident.(This one includes subcategories)
     -Ticket
     -Paying out of pocket to fix the other woman's car
     -Paying to fix damages to the body of my car
2. My AC that barely worked, now does not work at all.
3. I've spent $200+ on books for school
4. My car won't start

I literally keep asking myself "Why NOW!". I thought once school started I'd get pulled out of my 'pit' and start feeling purpose and excitement in my life again. I've experienced the complete opposite. Things have only gotten progressively worse. I'm exhausted ya'll. Emotionally I just don't know how much more I can take.

At this point I have several things going through my head.
What does it mean to have faith? Is it faith if I give up when I'm overwhelmed or frustrated? I mean at this point I'm like there is absolutely nothing I can do to get out of this hole, if you all awesome God want to do something...cool, I have nothing left.

In all honesty I want to be someone of unshakable faith. I want to rock solid confident in God. But I get so frustrated I'm like "Come on God...WHO ELSE DEALS WITH THIS!"

"Though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of various trials (you can say that again). These things have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold..-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."-1 Peter 1:6-7



I think a lot of time we separate our spiritual life from our regular life. We say, "God, I trust that your son died for my sins, I trust that you'll take me to heaven." Yet we don't think we need to trust God with our problems. "I got this God, you just worry about my salvation." But that isn't faith. That's not truely trusting God. And our faith, the ability to trust God is what earns us our salvation. No wonder they say it's more valuable than gold. My faith is being tested because it's the most important part of a christian.

I'm also really struggling to see the blessings in this situation. When I tell people I got in a car accident the first response is always "Well at least your okay, that is a blessing." In my head I'm screaming back at them ,"I wish I would have gotten hurt so that ya'll would stop dismissing my problems as trivial when they are a big deal!"

But I am blessed. Blessed I'm alive, blessed I have a fully functioning body, blessed I have friends who love me beyond belief, blessed I have a job, blessed I go to a christian school. Blessed that the devil can take away my car, my money, but he can't take Jesus from me.

I was sitting in church listening to the song All My Tears. "When I go don't cry for me, in my fathers arms I'll be. The wounds this world left on my soul will be all healed and I'll be whole.The sun and moon will be replaced with the light of Jesus' face. And I will not be ashamed for my savior knows my name."

I started wondering. If Jesus is all I had, could I be happy? He is all I have. He is all that I have that will last. I should always rejoice because I will always have Jesus. He knows my name. He is not far from me. This world, these problems, blurr that fact, distract us from that fact.

So in this chaos, confusion. I pray I can remember that fact. Things will be okay. Because God is good.