Day Four- Meeting All Kinds of Special Needs

July 6, 2011

"Who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body."-Philippians 3:21

Sweet Sweet Erica.

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"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus"

-Philippians 2:3-5

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," Declares the Lord, "As the Heavens are higher than earth, so are my ways high than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the Rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish..so is my word that goes out of my mouth: It will not return to me empty but accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." 

-Isiah 55:8-11

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice...Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter--When you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?...Then your light will break forth like dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer."

-Isiah 58:6-8

"All that the father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of Him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all that he has given me, but to raise them up at the last day." 

-John 6:37-39

So many scriptures bouncing around in my head. The first scripture really cuts down deep. Keeping my motivations in check and spirit holy is easier said than done. It says "consider others better than yourself". Being at the orphanage it is so easy to pick up the "I feel bad for them. I need to help raise these kids up to my level" mentality. It's not that I look down on them in disgust, but I can't help by pity them, and I know that's not right either. I should consider them better than myself.

In all honesty, they are better than me. They are better than me because I could never survive in the situations they live in. They are better than me because I chose sin for my life when I had the Word, and they were thrown into it, defenseless, helpless. 

I want to give these kids everything I have. I want to paint their nails, brush their hair, take them shopping, bring them to an amusement park, buy them bibles, stuffed animals, shoes and smelly soap.

But God instructs us to "share our food" and "clothe them". All the other things are great but by providing them with their needs, we reflect how God provides for their needs. Food for their stomach reflects Jesus, the bread of life, broken to feed their and save their souls. Clothes and shoes reflects God's supreme protection, provision, and comfort.

We are not here for our own mission. We are here to Finish out Jesus' mission, given to him by God. We are here to return to him his children, lost and wandering in Honduras. Because it's his mission we can be sure that he will help us carry it out. We can be confident there will be healing, whether we witness it or not.  His glory will burst the clouds and shine light into the darkest places, seen and unseen by us. As long as we share his Word, and His truth we can be sure it will not return to him empty.

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Today was hard. Really hard. I was feeling pretty cold-hearted because I hadn't cried once since being in Honduras. I know that sounds weird. Seeing others around me break into tears made me wonder if my heart was really in it.

But today, I cried Twice.

Both times were at the orphanage. I went to see the special needs kids, which honestly I had been putting off because I wanted to bond with the other kids. Today most of the older kids were preoccupied, so I found my way to the special needs room.

As soon as I walked in I saw my youth minister Scott holding the most beautiful baby girl. He was standing rocking her to sleep to soft Hispanic music as she laid her head on his shoulder. Then I saw Ellen sitting on a mattress with a special needs girl named Erica (who is in the picture above). Erica's smile was the most phenomenal site. Ellen would tickle her and gently blow on her face and it would just send Erica off into this fit of laughter. It was the most...pure and beautiful moment. I replay it in my head over and over again.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."-Philippians 4:8

Then I saw Ally holding a little boy named Christopher. You could hardly tell he was special needs. He was very unresponsive, but soo cute. I gently reached for his hand. I cupped his little fingers in my hand and softly rubbed them. 

I looked him in the eyes and tried to somehow communicate telepathically how much I loved him and how happy I was to see him.

I know this sounds silly. But two things were going on in my head. One, in psychology we learned that when babies are not held or touched their brain doesn't develop. I didn't know what the conditions for him were like at the orphanage but I wanted to make sure that even if it only helped a little, I could somehow help his brain develop. Two I pictures people talking to their plants because the oxygen helps them grow. I was going to talk and touch, and touch and talk until his little brain bloomed. 

So I just started talking. I told him one day he was going to grow up and be a big strong handsome man and that all the women were going to be chasing him around, asking him to marry them. I said one day you'll pick a beautiful one to be your wife. Then you will have kids, and a house.
Eventually you'll get to meet Jesus... 

My voice crack and tears filled my eyes. I tried to keep it together and finish.

...And Jesus will look you in the eyes like I am and tell you how proud of you he is. 

Tears were pouring down my face. I looked in his eyes and I wondered, how could Jesus look in these same beautiful eyes and not be so proud of him. I know he wont accomplish much in this life. But I know in my heart that in the end Jesus pull him up into his arms and say to him "Christopher I am so so proud of you"

How could he not.

The second time was when Cindy another girl with special needs started freaking out. We were all sitting in the Gazebo waiting for the okay to start heading for the bus when suddenly our attention was turned to the sound of a girl screaming. I turned only to see Cindy hitting herself in the head with her arm. She turned and headed towards Dr.Granger. Before my brain could even process what was happening she was clenching his arm between her teeth. My mouth dropped. His arm fell from her mouth. She sat down and proceeded hitting herself in the head with her arm. Then she stopped and slammed her head straight into the concrete ground. My only thoughts were, what do we do. If that in itself was not terrible enough I turned to Ellen, only to see the girl who was just laughing and smiling with another special needs girl in tears. That was probably the most painful site. My heart just broke. I knew how hard it was for her to see that. It takes a special person to be so compassionate towards the special needs.

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On a brighter note I made a new friend. Her name was Adriana. It was best friendship at first site. She was really shy, so I introduced her to everyone in the group. She told me I was her favorite. I told her she was mine. It so weird how such joy like that can be contrasted with so many other emotions.